Hitman: Golden Eye James Bond 0047
by Giorgio Lazenby
Summary: Hitman from Hitman gets bored of hitting so he decided to become a James Bond 007!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: From Russia With Love!

Hitman Agent 47 shot everyone with his gun and he got board and decided to watch all of the james bonds in his apartament in Sicily. he spent all of his Blood Monies on james bonds and watched them, and when he was done he called Diana to told her how cool they were.

"Diana. said 47. I got bored with hitting so now I want to be a james bond."

"Hello 47," Diana said over the phone at the Agency. "you may be a James Bond. But now that your are you half to be called 0047 now, because its the rules."

"Okay Diana," 47, who was now 0047, said. Do you want me to kale? Even though 47 was now a 007 , he could still hit people because they had a Lichens To Kill.

"We do have a missing, 0047. M16, where all the british spys live, wants us to hit a Russian terrist named Boris Borisovich Borin." Said Diana. "He is a meanie and a bad guy who sells nuke lure weapons and stuff to the middle of the east!"

"Sounds like he is a very evil villain," 0047, who was already in Russia, said. "I will stop his plans and make him stop being alive also."

Aglet 0047 was walked thought Stain Petergabriels. He was walked slowly so the Russian guards wouldn't be suspicion, but 0047 remembered he could just slide on the ground and still be silent, witch he forgotten he could do untl just then.

Agency 0047 looked and saw a wig shop. He decided that now that he was a James bond, he otter look the part. He shot his gun at the ground so the Russines guards would run away, and hewas able to bought a wig and put it on his head so he would look like James Bond, who, unlike 0047, had hare. He checked his map and saw that the target was in the big building in the middle of town where he had to kill some general guy during the second game. He thought he could shot him threw the windowed like he did the last time, but no once was allowing to have open windows ever since 0047 hit the general, so he tried something else.

Agrarian 0047 slided through the front door of the big building. A grad tried to tell him to go away, so 0047 ran away into the other room so the guars would follow, where he made him drink anaerobics until he fell unconcies. 0047 relzied, however, that james bond did notu sedisgises, so he through the body in to a nearby cologne without taking his clothes. 0047 pulled out his new silencee Walter PPK (he replaced his Silverballers with it beckons the PPK was James Bond's gun) and ran upstairs to the general room where the target was. He looked threw the keyhole and saw that he was talking on the phone with someone.

"I will send the nucalar wepon to you after you give me the ten billion dollars. You will be able to pick it up in Itsanbul City in 47 hours. Goodbye."

When he hunged up the phone, 0047 kicked down the door and pointed his gun at the target, Boris Borisovich Borin, but did not hit him because james bond didnt do that.

"Hello Mister Borisvocih Boring. 0047 said." He tried to think of a clever ion limer but he couldn't do it in time.

"Ahhhh, Mr. 47! I have been exemplifying you! Please have a sent on this chair." (AN: The target didnet know that 47 was actually 0047 now, so that's why he called him that.)

47, who was actually 0047, sat on the chair where he had a fancy dinner with the target. 0047 decided to ask about the villa's plans, because thats what James bond always did.

"So what are you're pans." asked 0047?

"I will tell you... in metropolis detale!"

Borisovich Borin began to exponent his plan to 0047. After a while, 0047 got bored and just shot him in the groin undre the table like in The Guy Who Loved Me, but since the balet was really slowly it took a really long time.

"Now I know why they called you Borisovich BORING! quipped 47." He was happy that he could finally thinked of a line.

Just then, a sexy Russian lady in a bikini walked into the general room where 47 was still eating. 47 uptend around and looked at her chest because that's what james bond always did. He taught it was wired that she was wearing a bikini in Russia but he dident care.

"Did yoou kill Mr. Borin? Thats ok. He was really boring and terrible at having sex! My name is Ihava Vagovna, whats your name"

"Man... Hit man," replied 0047. "Your name is very stupid but that is okay because I dont cared. I am not boring and have sex a lot so let's do that." Okay replied Ihava.

So Agnostic 0047 went int othe bedroom with Ihava and started having sex. Ihava was really impressed with how good 0047 was at it! Afterwards they drank lots of alcomohol and 0047 was called Diana.

"Diana, 0047, who was really drunk, said. Boring was sold nukes to some guy in the middle of the east, and they will be in Itsandbul City, the capital of turkey, in 47 hours."

"Excellent, 0047, said Diaana. your getting very god at youre new job even though it is almost the exact same as your old one!"

Thank you said 0047. He was very happy that he was good at being james bond.

"Now you must got to Istandbul City and blow up the nuclear facilitate with your gun," Diana contained, "so that the buyer will have no more bombs to blow up in the Middled East!"

"Okay, said 47, who was still 0047, but instead he had more sex and drank more alcomoel.

Suddenly, a bunch of grads burst into the bedroom! Ihava ran away screaming and jumped out a window, but it was closed so their was glass everywhere. 0047 did judo chops and karate moves at the grads so they would fall down, but suddenly a general snaked up behind and karate chopped 0047 lightly on the back of his head, knocking him unconcis for as long as the plot demeaned it.

Adjacent 47 woke up in the underground tunnel facilitate where he had to saved Agent Smith that one time. he was tied to a chair and had no clothes except for his underware.

"Hello, Agent 47," said a voice. 0047 assumption that no one knew he was a james Bond now, so he didn't care that no one was calling him 0047. The guy with the voice steeped into the lite and it was the general who kocked him out earlier! "I am General Vrolgen! You hit my number one busness patner! You also hit all my general friends in the second game! Now I will kill you1"

"Shut up." said 0047. Then General Vrolgen got really mad and punched 0047 on the face! Since he wasnet hit on the back of his head he was still conscientious.

0047 got really bored and looked at him weird, then untied himself from the claire and had butted the gnarl until he was knocked out. He put back on his suit and james Bond wig and ran away. While he was running away 0047 saw some papers on a tabl garded by a garden, so he walked up to him slowly and hit him a bunch of times with his gun that he found on the general until he was knocked oust. He picked up the papyrus and saw some letters to some Russian guy in Itsandbul City named Vladimir Zavorotko, who was the brother of the bad guy of the second game! The letter was from Boris Borisovich Borin and it said how he would sell nukes to Zavorotko in exchange for moneys.

Agriculture 0047 took the letter and put it under his wig in case he forgot, then escaped out into the city when suddenly the facility blew up for no reason! 0047 thought this was weird butt dident complain. Since he was coughed he didn't get Silent Assassan but he didn't care becuase there was more impotent stuff happened!


	2. Chapter 2

(AN: apparatus Instandbul City is not the capital of Turkey! It is some place calling Ankara or something!)

 **Chapter 2: Four Your Eyed Only!**

After Agent 47, who was still 0047, got out of Russian, he decided to go back to the Aglet to get weapons and stuff. But first, he had to call Diana.

"Diana! exclamation 0047. Boris Borisovich Boring was sealing nukes to some guy called Vladimir Zavorotko in Ankara city in Turkey!"

"We know that 0047," said Diana. "All the Britain spys in M16 will blow that up. Our intelligent states that Zavorotoko is in Swisserland right now! Go over there and hit him with your gun!"

"Okay said 0047." But fist he had to go and see the Q Bench who would give him guns and gad gets.

"Hello 0047," said Q, who was the head of the Q Bench. "Your probably wondered why the Q Bench is here at the Agnecy! M!6 and all the British spys are worked with you guys for this missing! We are going to help you and stuff."

"That is cool I guess, said 0047. Do you have gadgets for me?"

"Yes, we do!" replied W Bench. He shows 0047 a laser saw cutter for when he was in an easily escapade trap and needed to get out, a jet pack that he would probable only used once and never again, a cuffing link which was also a button he could pressed to speed up the footage, and a rear projection screen for when he had to do acting sequences and stuff. 0047 said he dident wanted a stunt doubloon so he didn't got one. Then he went away.

Aggreagate 747, who was still 0047, arrived in Montreux City in Swissland. He went to the statue of Freddie Mercenary to look at it with his eyes and then looking at his map to find the target, but he got bored and deciding to go skiing.

Amorous 0047 arrived at the big building at the top of a mountain where James Bond went in On Her Majestic Secret Servicable which was actaully a restarant or something now. He went to ski down the mountain when suddenly a bunch of bad guys with guns showed up on skis to shot him! Then there was a big ski chase that was lasting 10 minutes. 0047 didnt want to shoot them with his gun becking he would probably miss, so he decided to ski away quickly by speeding up the footage! The bad guys got confused and ran into trees and stuff. Then an ambulance happened and everyone died excepting for 0047, becuase he knew what to to because he saw the Bond movie when that happened and was preparing.

00047 went to the town at the basic of the Montagne and looked at his map so he could get back to his missing. Then he discovered the Zavortoko, the target, was drived around town in his big sports car! He was going too quickly for 0047 to catch up, because even though 0047 was an 007 he didnt have a cool car with lots of guests on it like James Bond did. SoHo he tried something else!

Absent 0047 set up the rear projectionist screen and put on the jet packer he had in his pocket. Since he was too cool to actual fly in the jet pack, he paid some other guy to do it for him as a stunt double because E Bench dident gived him one becuase he didnt want one. But he needing one now! 0047, who was actually the stunt doubloon who was actually 0047, shot his gun at the car until it exploded in a gigant fireball. But 0047 was surprising when the rarget got out alive! He took off the jet packing and ran at him! But Zavortoko was leaving 0047 into a trap! ))$& didn't know this so he continued running at him.

Zavorotoko ran into a cabin in the town. Agnostic 0047 saw this and ran in after him, but when he got in he got karate Chopin on the shodder and was cocked oust again! When he waking up he was sitting at a fancy dinner with Zavorotoko.

"Hello Aglet 0047," said Zavorotko. 47, who was actually 0047, was surpassed because he knew that he was a 007. "I have been expectancy you. Tell me, did you feel any putty or removed when you killed my brother in the second game and his brother in the first and third game?"

"They were all bad guys, said 0047. I did what I had to did."

"They were my bothers!" Yelled Zavorotoko. Even if they were bad guys, I still loving them! So thats why Im buying a bunch of nukes so I can blow up the Agency! Becking they used you to killed my Bothers!"

"Shut up." said 0047. He was getting really border so he tried to shoot Zavorotko with his gun. But the gun was empathy!

"Ha ha HAHAHAHAHAHA! Zavorotko laughed really loudly! I took the balets out from your gun! And now you have no bullets in your gun!" 0047 nodded because what he just said was true. "Now that I have you right where I wanted you I am going to subjugate you to the worst fated I can thunk of... being dipped VERY SLOWLY into a POOL OF SKARKS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Zavtotoko pressed a butt in and 0047 fell out of his chair in to a big facilitate under the town. A henchman came and tired 0047 up with rope very tightly on his hands and lets and dingled him upside downed over a shark pit where he was lowered slowly into.

"Die 0047! Said Zavorotoko villainously over the introcom. I doughnut think well ever meeting again! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!"

0047 GOT Bored and decided to waiting a while until everyone left so he could cut himself out. Since he was lowered in very slowly, the grads got really tired of waiting after a hour passing and left to go to sleep. 0047 saw he had his chalk! He used the lazer cutter he got from S Bench to vut himself out and escapade.

Adjacent 0047 got out of the skark pool using cool spy flips and stuff, then walked threw out the underground facilitate to look for info on where Zavorotoko was going. But while he was walked he saw Agent Smith!

"What are YOU doing here? asked 0047." Agent Smithy was tired up to a chair but was wearing Onion Jack underwear instead of America ones.

"Hello 47!" Said Aglet Smith. Smith was a loser agent so he didnt know 47 was a 007 now. "I'm working for m16 right now. Nice Herr! Can you pleasing get me out of here? I can tell you all about Zavorotoko's plans!"

0047 said OK and undid Agent SMith from the chaise. "Thanks 47 for saving me again! Remainder me to buy you a beard next time!"

"I'm 0047 now, 47, who was still 0047, said. Cut to the cello! Tell me everything you know about Zavtoroko's planning!"

"Okay calm down 47!" said Agent Smithereens. Since hewas a loser and and idiot he dident call 0047 0057 even though 0047 just said he was 0047. 0047 face palmed but told Aglet Smith to be continued. So he did, and Agent Smith told 0047 that Zavorotko was planning to blow up the Agency because they killed his boroughs!

"I know that, dumbo! exclamation 0047. Do you know where he was going?"

Agent Smith told 0047 that Zavorotko was going to the Bahamas, Becuase there was lots of room for nukes and stuff there. But before Aquarius Smith could finish talked, a bunch of grads burst into the room and started shotting 0047 and Agent Smith with guns! So Agent Smith quickly put his clothes back on as they shotted there ways through the facilitate, killing a bunch of grads on the way. 0047 wanted to use syringes and aesthetics to kock out the grads so he would get Silent Assassinating but he dident have time.

0047 and Asset Smith escrow into the town, where they drove to the airpost in Agent Smith's spy car that was right there and flew to the Bahamas.

"It's good to finally be worked with you on a missing, 47!" said Agent Smith. But 0047 got bored and when he was over the Bahamas 0047 pushed Agent Smithy out of the plane beckons he was really annoying.


End file.
